EPI 16: Bipolar: Happy Where I Am But Feel I Am More
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Welcome to the Bipolar Excellence Podcast, Episode 16: Happy Where I Am, But Feel I Am More. This is part of the Life Of An Outsider series. You’ll find a link in the footer of the website, bipolarexcellence.com.
Okay. So, many years ago, when I was in one of Rich Schefren’s groups, I said something about this in one of the other episodes, but, this was in 2011, I believe. I was trying to find out what to do with myself, with my knowledge and my feelings and my experiences, and my story, and all the work I had created up to that point. And it wasn’t going anywhere.
And after I was done with his, I don’t know what you’d call it his course, it was extremely helpful, but I didn’t get the clarity I needed right then and there. I just… Rich was cruelly kind enough to tactfully tell me all the ideas that I had at the time weren’t gonna fly and why. And he was right.
And I was very frustrated. But at least he saved me the time of pursuing those dead end avenues. But I wrote up this list, which became the Life Of An Outsider series that you’re listening to, in part, now. And the key thing was, here I got this bipolar story, but I don’t know what to do with it.
So hence the list. The list was actually a lot larger. It had more pieces to it then even this Life Of An Outsider series, but I’ll put a pin in that for the moment. One of the items on the list, since this was about me, happy where I am but feel I am more, I only have a vague understanding of my reasoning for adding this to the list.
I have a feeling, I know I’ve experienced this, but only briefly, I have a feeling I was thinking more of people around me based on my talks with people. And I think it annoyed me and made me want to help people like that as well as myself. So that’s why I added this item. Because I’ve never really been happy all that long with anything I’m doing.
And mostly that’s had to do with employment. Or wherever I was it just wasn’t self-sustainable. I knew it was going to end and I’d have to go back to the drawing board to figure out how to survive, how to meet all my responsibilities.
I know the only times I’ve ever been happy, I wasn’t making any money or I was making very little money.
But the times that I’ve been the happiest, there was no money involved. And that’s not to say that money would have ruined it. Hell no. I definitely wanted some fucking money. Because you need it. Money is his life. And don’t get all weird on me in the comment sections, like that’s not that… what I’m saying is it’s the tool that makes life go.
You don’t worship it. Cause now you’re a greedy bastard with warped values. I’m not saying that it’s just the best tool in the toolbox to get out of life, what it is you want. And to get the work done that you’re here to do.
The things that I’ve done that that made me the happiest, never had money involved. They were always low paying or just life situations that didn’t involve getting paid for anything.
When looking out at the world, I do find a lot of people that wonder. They’re not miserable with where they’re at. They’re not ecstatic. They’re just sort of treading water. And they’re wondering. They say things that make me realize they want more out of life than whatever it is they’re doing right now.
The key thing here is you should be feeling that way. You should. If you’re not already a raging success of some sort where you wake up excited each day to do whatever it is you do? Or you have a life structured in such a way where you’re simply doing what you do? And on the days you have to labor in whatever form that takes, you’re then excited that day.
If you’re not any of these things, you should be feeling like you are more, because you are. You’re vastly more than you realize. Any of us. Even me as I sit here doing what I’m doing now, I have the understanding of the situation, to know that all my goals as they stand are still too small. I know that.
But you got to start somewhere.
You got to get something off the ground. You’ve got to build the thing to look at it. Send it out into the world, get feedback and then figure out what the next goal is. There does need to be a system in place. You can’t just explode with your happy awesomeness on the world and expect to win. It’s just not going to happen.
So there should always be a certain level of discontent in your blood, pushing you onto the next thing. I don’t really have a whole lot more to say about that because I realized, as I said what I just said, that’s the key.
Don’t stay happy for long.
One of the other lessons I’ve learned is there is no such thing as holding still .Everything is in the process of growing or dying, even a block of steel or a solid rock out in the woods. If they’re just sitting there, they’re probably dying. It’s just happening so slowly, you can’t see it.
The steel will eventually rust. The rock will be broken down by rain into little tiny pebbles. It just takes a long ass time to do it.
A tree. You can’t tell which way a tree’s going. It’s just sitting there. Is it dying? Or is it growing? You can’t really tell because the growth process and and the death process in a tree are so slow, they’re imperceptible to the human eye. Only with the passage of months and years, can you tell.
People are the same. You are free to plateau at some point and just enjoy what you’ve built. You should. You built it, you deserve to celebrate in its creation. And it’s a goal. We should celebrate that that goal has been reached.
I don’t know what the time limit is on any of these things. But your heart, your gut will tell you. There’ll come a point, it’s time to keep moving. Because as you’re sitting there and enjoying yourself, really, the machine is coasting. It’s out of gear. It’s coasting. You’ve gone at a high rate of speed up to that point.
So it’s still rolling pretty fast, but you no longer have your foot on the gas pedal. Eventually, it’s gonna stop. Depending on where you’re at in life and what you want, you might be happy to call it a day right there.
If you’re listening to this podcast, I don’t believe that’s you. Or you wouldn’t have asked the question that brought you this way. You’re with me. You’re looking to put the foot back on the gas.
So what I would say is take a long, hard look inside yourself. And ask, am I really happy or is my out of gear machine slowly coming to a halt and I’m going to need to step on that gas again?
When it comes time to step on the gas, are you going to simply cruise along in that same vehicle? Or is it time to build a new one, with respect to the fact that you most definitely are more.
It’s not a crime if you continue with the thing you’re still doing. In some cases, some of you are doing incredible things that are necessary, needed and very fulfilling. But again, don’t think you’d be listening to this podcast if that was a hundred percent the case.
Expect more from yourself. Then start doing the work required to find out what quote, unquote more means. Then make it your mission to solidify the answer to that question, produce something of value and hand it to those that need it most.
The doing of that will bring you a level of satisfaction that’s quite indescribable. It’s much deeper than just being happy at what you do.