EPI 7: I Don’t Belong And Hope I NEVER Do!
EPI 7: Bipolar: I Don’t Belong And Hope I NEVER Do!
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Bipolar Excellence Podcast Episode Seven: I Don’t Belong And I Hope I Never Do. This is the first episode in a series I’m calling The Life Of An Outsider. The Outsider Series. I’ll put a link to it in the footer, on the website, bipolarexcellence.com.
[00:00:19] Many years back, 2011 I believe, I was part of some other group… Schefren… guy’s name, last name, was Schefren. And I remember that I was part of a call in group that was global. I was listening to other people who were kicking off passion projects of their own, of all different sorts.
[00:00:41] And we’d all get to float our questions and comments and concerns to… Rich! Rich Schefren. And Rich would then say yes or no, or good or bad, or guide the person to the best move or sign off on what it was they were doing. And the rest of us would get to listen along and different things would also pertain to what we were trying to do and we’d learn.
[00:01:04] And he would stay on the phone until everybody was done asking questions. These calls could sometimes last six hours. I’d stay on till the end of every one.
[00:01:13] Back then I thought I was going to be a leadership coach because I didn’t know what the hell else I was.
[00:01:19] I just knew if I walked into a situation, and I felt like or needed to take charge, I would, I could, and people would just go along with what I said. I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing with my business, my career life. And that’s why I was part of Rich’s group.
[00:01:41] Now he shot down my idea because it was way too vague. It didn’t really mean anything. And now, all these years later, now that I know what actually happens in a leadership course to a certain degree, I was nowheres close to that. It had nothing to do with me. Nothing. So I’m glad that Rich shot me down for that. But that left me frustrated. Really frustrated.
[00:02:06] After months of being on these calls, I still didn’t know what the fuck I was. And, in a rage, sort of, I sat down and wrote down a list of all the things that pissed me off about trying to get a passion project off the ground for myself. That became this Life Of An Outsider series.
[00:02:30] Now, not belonging and hoping I never do? That’s all the people who were on that call. They were all doing something outside of a traditional career. I am all about that. And it’s not willfully. I mean, it is to a degree cause I get off on it.
[00:02:47] I enjoy being an outsider. I don’t like being part of the herd at all.
[00:02:51] I usually find the herd…well, the herd gets led to the slaughter. Don’t want any part of that. And it’s been proven to me…as of this recording, I’m 53, I’ve been in enough situations, 50 some odd jobs. 50 some odd jobs. I’ve worked under every kind of leadership you can imagine. In so many contexts it’s mind boggling.
[00:03:14] Because I could do everything either great or well enough that they’d pay me to continue. And I was able to sample a lot, a lot of career paths. I didn’t want any of them when everything was said and done.
[00:03:30] I used to think when you’re trying to put something together and you’re trying to figure out what your career is, one of the pieces of information you’ll hear a lot is What’s a common denominator? No matter what you’re doing, where you’re doing it, why and who with what’s the common denominator?
[00:03:44] Well, two things for me, I was the one that made everyone laugh with ease. And I was the one that always had the best stories. Usually. I had the most adventurous stories, the most outlandish stories, cause everything about my life has been over the top and intense for good and for bad. This makes for great stories.
[00:04:08] So I thought I was going to be a stand-up comedian for a minute. And the more I researched that…I love comedians as people. And I am one of them. I am. But I’m not stand up. I’m not made of that. It doesn’t talk to me at all. So that was out.
[00:04:24] And then I got hooked on storytelling for the longest time. How do I help someone tell their story? Now, that is something I’ll actually help you with, but it’s not, it doesn’t fully encompass what I’m all about.
[00:04:35] And then, even still, telling a story. As I was pitching it to myself in the world back when that was my decision. That wasn’t it either. That in itself was too vague. So I’ve struggled forever with this whole being an outsider.
[00:04:54] Let me rephrase that. I struggled for years until I accepted that me trying to fit in is a denigration of my skillset and an abdication of my responsibility to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do that doesn’t fit in with what everyone else does.
[00:05:12] I hate holding a job. I can’t stand being an employee. I’m lucky enough right now, as of this recording 2022 January, I work in a halfway house that’s pretty cool. What a lot of… all men, a lot of damaged individuals of all sorts, for all kinds of reasons.
[00:05:29] A lot of them have been highly successful drug dealers and criminals and whatever they did until they got caught. Highly successful. Business is business. For right or wrong, the skillset’s the same.
[00:05:41] And I enjoy immensely talking with these guys and helping them get through their day and hearing their stories. A lot of them have better stories than me, or maybe not better, just they’re workin’different areas. And I relate to them easily.
[00:05:57] We don’t have to watch what we’re saying. We’re all men. We all come from these damaged backgrounds. They’re still in it. I got out. So they rely on my insights on that. Like how do you get out? How do you survive this, these addictions and actually make something of your life?
[00:06:11] And I’m always telling them, you not only can, you can remain this sometimes crazed individual you are, or at the very least unique and highly individualized, and outside the herd person that you are. You just got to figure out how to use your skillsets for legal means and cut addiction. You need something to replace the addiction.
[00:06:33] So I’m big on not trying to fit in. That’s a death sentence, particularly for high functioning, bipolar people.
[00:06:45] We’re not supposed to fit in. We are the ones with our peculiar and unique perspectives and sets of experiences and skillsets that can solve problems in a way, the quote, unquote, normal people never can nor would they ever dream to. Mostly wouldn’t even dream to try.
[00:07:04] We’re the ones that we’re so discontent with doing the normal that we have to find something weird and outrageous and unusual to do or maybe it’s a quiet thing. Maybe it’s not loud or intense. Maybe you’re an artist or something, and you just need to quietly create your material.
[00:07:20] Or you’ve just got one person you’re trying to help. You’re not trying to solve the world, but that one person requires something the whole rest of the frigging world cannot give them, usually proven by past experience. But you can.
[00:07:34] This is why you should never try to belong. It’s disgusting. It… Don’t. No! Don’t try to fit in. Build the world you would want to be a part of. And then expand from there.
[00:07:48] And just like I’m doing here, you’ll find the people that not only get off on it with you, they’ll support you, help you on your journey and together you’ll grow into the thing all you were meant to be to where you can actually enjoy life on this earth. And getting something more out of it than just a paycheck.
[00:08:07] Cool. I’m going to end right there. See you on the next episode.