Hey. This is Ken Jensen. I’d be bipolar disorder in an all natural fashion back in the mid 2000s. And believe it or not, that’s not even the coolest part of my story.

What I learned through that process and what came next and how that applied to bipolar and why bipolar was ever even part of the process was mind blowing to say the least.

Bipolar has hidden within its strengths. I’m gonna show you what I mean and how they’ve shown up in my life so you can do the same. Welcome to bipolar Excellence podcast episode 82. Gerd your loins.

There’s always, there’s more hard stuff to talk about than there is good. and I don’t wanna demoralize or demotivate anybody. But I think that’s the case. I think there’s more hard stuff than than not. I don’t think it’s 5050.

I don’t think there’s a fucking balance. I think there’s hard shit hard shit, and then how much your grace improves and your ability to adapt and your ability to pivot inside a tight moment improves as you deal with the hard shit.

There’s always hard shit. And, you know, now that I said this, I’m glad I did because it makes me think of something I learned from CenterPoint, the meditation service I used to use, which I hope to God.

I will get back to. I will get to it. It had a time limit on it, a time frame, you know, of 6 years. I only did 2 years worth, and I liked what it did to me, and I need to get back to it.

But anyway, One of the greatest things that CenterPoint’s tool Holasync did for you or any meditation for that matter It’s not it’s not that your problems go away or you’ll get so damn smart at dealing with them.

Some problems will go away, and you will get smarter.

You will. to to better deal with some things. But the bulk of it is you learn to better deal with the problems you have to such a degree that they no longer bother you like day 1 did. They’re still there.

But it’s almost like when you were a child being bullied and now you’re a man or a woman, you’re an adult. You if if you had to deal with that same exact bully from when you were a child, could kick his ass or harass.

The problem remained the same. You just evolved into something bigger and better that could handle that same exact problem. So there’s the motivational bit in that.

The reason I bring this up is tonight, tonight, just hours ago, I was doing house cold chores to include getting ready to clean my fish tank. And I’m so excited because, the fish needed it, and we’re very close.

My fish and I. and I get very guilty about how infrequently I cleaned their tank. So, anyway, and I lost a guy recently, and I’m pretty sure it’s my fault for letting the tanks for too long.

It looks good when I learned the tank can look good and not be good. So anyway, as I was getting through my day, with my my mind pretty much focused on this podcast.

I walked into a I’m just gonna say a family problem, and I’m not gonna supply any details because it’s nobody’s business. But I walked in in the middle of something.

I initially didn’t even know what it was I was seeing because there wasn’t a lot of, there wasn’t a lot of, signals that you’d normally expect for what was actually taking place, showed up soon enough.

And an old wound got reopened. And All the drama and troubles and garbage connected to that wound came rushing to the surface as somebody tried to actively reengage with the thing that called the caused the wound in the first place.

This is exterior. This is external. It’s it’s not It’s not in my immediate family. It’s it’s an outside threat. Things got rather ugly pretty quick. Nothing tragic happened.

Nothing that couldn’t be fixed, took place. And a couple hours later, everything was twistedly all the way back to normal. But the trauma and, you know, the the the psychic damage the hit the family took was done.

And it was all based in large part by one person’s actions who was morally in the right but didn’t understand the larger picture of what was actually happening and why and and and the history connected to it.

So in a sense, no wrong was actually even done. but something that was intended to be good was about to take place that was going to go very, very bad And it was it was traumatic in that sense.

It was a psychic hit. And Like I said, we got through it. No further trauma’s got added to the situation outside of what it already was. and and everything was at least in the immediate sense, put to bed.

Everything’s fine. but I still had yet the podcast. I had yet to even do the frigging fish tank. And I and my clock My clock on the wall is battery driven. The battery was dying.

I didn’t know it. I thought I had hours yet. I have a phone and everything, but in this case, I was simply paying attention to the the clock on the wall. I thought I had hours to go. Nope. That was hours ago that I had hours to go.

I I was already late into the night. Didn’t even realize it. So that was, that was sort of demoralizing because I’m like, well, there goes my sleep and and the podcast, everything involved in all the places that I put it and everything.

I gotta write about it and newsletter and and on and on and on the editing. This is like a 3 hour. This is a 3 hour thing per episode.

And and and as well, I had a plan, and that plan got blown up in my face to no wrongdoing on my part. and you’re gonna find that happens over and over and over the longer you build anything that matters.

You know, when you’re not doing something that really matters, something that’s larger than yourself, something that requires great sacrifice on your part or the need to remain accountable to others in a way you may never have before.

A lot of life, even shit like what happened to me tonight is is it’s easier to handle because is the big thing.

It’s the biggest thing there is. And you have more energy and attention and time to to put into it And it doesn’t hit as as wrong because it’s all there is. If the rest of your life is routine, then that was it.

That was the big deal. When you have a big deal of that sort and yet you have something like this show that I run and everything that’s attached to it and people that need me to show up on a regular basis for a multitude of reasons.

Now the other big deal is, it’s even bigger than it would have been. had it been just the only thing taking place. So the trick is how do you deal with such a thing like this?

And get on with your your your larger responsibilities and, not ruminate over what just happened to the point that it gets in the way of what you’re trying to create, whatever your project is.

Thankfully, my part for more for multiple reasons, this was all manageable.

And I got put into a state, and I don’t wanna carry on about this, but I got put into a state of mind where the old me got brought to the surface because I was being threatened.

I was never gonna act on what was threatening me and I wouldn’t ever.

And I didn’t even come close to. I’m just saying my energy, my mood, you adrenaline, my old training, whatever remaining PTSD I have because I’m pretty sure some of that still lingered.

My defenses come up quick and hard and I start getting solidly into an offense mode of a quite serious and dangerous nature.

I, but I know how to not let that run away from me. Some of you, if you’re following a You knew that there was somebody that did this to me some time ago, on a job site.

Guide had actually caused me to quit the last job I had. I needed to quit that freaking job anyway, but he was the impetus, but it almost happened with him leaving this earth.

And Interesting fun satisfying side note. That was a year ago. That asshole recently got fired from that job as he rightfully should be because he was heart, hurtful and toxic. He got fired. And, yes, I’m pleased with that.

I didn’t hold a grudge. I got through it. I was annoyed about it and whatever, but I was like, then what are you gonna do? You can’t save the whole world. Can’t fight city hall. But, you know, I I really did move on.

I I wasn’t happy about that guy being where still was hurting the people he was hurting, but there was not a damn thing I could do about it. And finally, the system realized whatever and and he went. Yes. Satisfying.

So this thing that happened maybe today was not that. But Doesn’t matter. A threat’s a threat, and my body reacts the same way. And then mentally, I’m aware of the larger picture of what all might happen if this thing should go further.

Not me being on the offense, just the problem itself. And and so that made me get even more defensive because I knew what was coming and I couldn’t started looking like I wasn’t gonna be able to stop it.

And that got me even on more heightened alert because I I knew how bad this could get and why and and what was gonna come. And I was like, I can’t I can’t do this again. And it wasn’t even of my doing.

And, and now I’m making the podcast. you can tell I’m a bit more subdued, but, yeah, I’m alright. I really am. It was it was It was painful in certain ways, but it’s something in in in one respect that had to happen.

And now that it has Should this thing rear its ugly head one more time? Everyone involved is now fully on the on on the same page in a way they were not earlier to So it ended well.

And it was like there was like a lesson hiding within the disaster. So now I’m doing this and and I’m I hope I hope you guys get that I don’t know.

On one hand, the less evolved me would have handled this poorly on a number of fronts and caused more to come out of it than than would have been necessary because I couldn’t control my rage.

And my defenses would have come up even stronger because I hadn’t healed enough yet. So I lash out. I hit first before I can be hit this sort of a thing that I don’t I don’t do that anymore.

And the reason I bring that up is if that’s an issue with you as we’re working together, I got steps to help you get to where I am now to where The raunchiest shit can be thrown in your face in a way that makes you want us do something that you can’t and You know what’s wrong and you won’t, and you’ll be okay with it as I am now.

And I really am. I’m I’m I’m glad that Based on my pathway of of being, I could feel the moments when a tipping point was being reached and I would have gone over the edge and done this and done that and done the other thing.

I didn’t do any of those things. I knew I was at those points and the energy was there And it was huge, but there was never a fear of it actually going somewhere that I couldn’t recover from.

Never. It’s interesting to be taken to the brink like that by your own emotions and have him get that intense, but also know academically from your perspective.

Look that up. Your witness perspective. I knew that this guy was gonna do anything overly stupid besides make some noise.

And rattle and rage a little bit, but, you know, and I didn’t. And I’m proud of that. So the episode title, Gerger Lloyds, that’s a phrase if you’re not familiar.

It’s it’s got to do with putting from from, like, from, like, I don’t know, Greek warrior Greek slash warrior Roman times where you would you would put a protective thing of metal around your waist.

To protect to protect the, the tender bits, twitched your thighs, you gird your loins, you go in a battle protected As you build the thing you’re building, you’re gonna sometimes, sometimes, actually, I think more and often than not, the bigger stretch gonna come from you.

And and what I mean by that is there will be exterior threats that get hurled at you, and the threat can be anything. Use that phrase very loosely. Just anything that can just sink your little boat.

Any number of things are gonna come at you that’s gonna cause you to wanna react offensively and You can’t. A matter of fact, you wanna have strategies in place that you don’t even react. Reaction is the opposite of being proactive.

Proactive is when you have a plan in place for when things like this go wrong, you can respond in a way that’s more healthier, more healthy. And produces a better outcome than if you just react pure emotion.

This is not easy to achieve, and it’s not gonna be a thing of perfection Like, where I got today, it was choppy. It was choppy. The only win that came was when it really, really mattered that I not do the things that I felt like doing.

I didn’t know. And and and then also knowing in my heart of hearts, And my, my my aware of mine, I never would. It’s not even the true fear. No matter what it feels like to me, It’s not real in network chiropractic.

That my chiropractor taught me. It’s it’s a thing of where you can feel the emotions, but you don’t run away with them. They don’t make anything happen. you feel them in full force, but you don’t use them to direct your next move.

And that’s a very healthy place to reach. Most people are nowhere near it. They get an emotion. Then then they react and they do something stupid fueled by whatever that negative emotion was or even sometimes a positive one.

You gotta have some more class. You gotta have more style than that. You gotta have more poise. truly great leaders get just as pissed off about shit.

Same as anybody else, but they don’t show it. and they have a better way of handling it. They’re thinking longer term. They’re talking. They’re thinking bigger picture. They feel the same things.

But they know it’s foolish and destructive to act on the things in the moment. I have not achieve some sort of lofty heights where I don’t feel these things and still get to where it looks like I’m gonna do some stupid.

I haven’t it happens way less. Like, I can count on one hand how many time something like this happens. And I don’t know. Every few years maybe at this point.

It’s just not a thing anymore, but but it’s still in me. I didn’t have all his I didn’t have as much graces I woulda liked tonight or poise our class. when I knew when a danger line was being reached and and I knew not to cross it.

And I also knew I would I would never cross it. And, that’s a satisfying feeling. And in the end, because I didn’t add anything at least in that that one major respect, Everything was fixable soon after.

The problem’s still there, but but in the immediate sense, Everybody directly involved is good. I had more to say, but, you know, that seems so heavy.

I think I’m gonna leave it at that. I want you guys to think about that. As you go through my material, if you’ve ever read my book, you’ll realize the enormity of what I’ve just shared tonight with you about me.

You’ll realize I know some things and how to use these things so that I am no longer the old me while I do this cool thing with the rest of you.

What might that mean for you if you’re trying to something and you’re looking at me as your leader. That’s it. I’m gonna leave with that. Be well.